Mileage for June – 21.1 running, 18.43 walking. TOTAL 39.53. At the halfway point of the year, I am .55 ahead of the mile per day goal by whatever method my legs will take me.
As you can tell, I struggle to get these monthly updates on a timely basis, so I can’t even imagine attempting these on a weekly basis like a lot of folks do. June brought some great moments and some not-so-great moments as well. I started off June with a great five mile run, which was the longest run since my 15k in January. I didn’t get out until after 9am, but luckily there was cloud cover and I maintained a 14:16 mile pace, which I’ve never really done, even in the winter. I was feeling that June would be my month.
Then work took over my life. I got blindsided with some rather crappy news and since then I’ve damn near worked myself to death (it may be almost literally at this point) to meet (unreasonable) expectations and (even more unreasonable) deadlines. It has taken quite a toll on my fitness goals as I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve done yoga or pump, my two main cross training methods. Not only has this affected me physically, my mental health has suffered. I’ve lost count of the number of days I have cried as well as the number of days I’ve had a panic attack at work in the last four weeks. I suffer from anxiety and I believe this situation has led to minor depression on top of everything else. I know I’m not the only one out there suffering mentally, so I wanted to share this in hopes that someone else knows it’s okay to reach out. Life has trying moments and it’s going to get tough sometimes. I’m so lucky to have a great family support doing their best to keep me from sinking to the lowest of lows.
While I do a lot of my runs solo, including my races, doing the Braves County 5k the day after my initial blindside was the best thing I could have done. I had an excuse to get out of bed and lace up to do those miles. Despite the fact I was thisclose to crying at any moment, I was also pissed off and pushed through that super hilly course and finished in under 40 minutes. The following weekend I did a six mile run on my birthday at a 14:19 mile pace, although it was an adventure. Then my stress level got higher than it already was as my heel started hurting. I was already an anxious mess and my main stress reliever was in jeopardy? Crap.
Being a good at self diagnosis, I went to doctor Google and it seemed all signs were pointing towards plantar fasciitis. My birthday run was on a Sunday and after the big flare up after a few hours at Six Flags that Monday, I took it easy the rest of the week. I felt like things were getting better and I tested things out with a two mile run and afterwards my heel was hurting as much as it was after six miles the week before. I stressed and stressed some more because my anxiety was already through the roof and found more research out there, including the possibility that a tight calf or achilles was really the culprit. I had never had the slightest feeling of heel pain ever and so it was starting to make more sense this could have been related to something else.
I started doing trigger point therapy on my calf and found that point to be extremely sensitive and tight. My massage therapist also worked it out at my chiropractor appointment and I was finally feeling good and I was able to walk pretty well with the kiddo.
Unfortunately, it took a toll on my June miles as I ran two miles the rest of the month after the 18th. There is also a very good chance this whole working myself to death also led to me feeling horrible the end of June and carrying through to now. The bright side in all of the darkness is I’ve realized major changes need to happen. Once I recover from the crud I’m fighting off now, I will get back into a fitness routine and I’m hoping to try to run before my 4 miler next Saturday. I need my main way to let all my stress out, stat. My other major area of change is knowing that because even if I worked non-stop, I wouldn’t be able to meet the expectations and deadlines at my job. I care too much sometimes, and this is one area I need to let go of, as it’s affecting my health and no job is worth that. I can do what I can, but I have to take care of me first, because I’m not letting a job literally kill me.
And in less than two weeks, I do the Heroes in Recovery 6k, raising awareness for addiction and mental illness. This race may be one of the most important ones to date after making it through a rather bleak June. I will make it and make July end on a spectacular note.